"The education Americans
care about most right now is how fast we can educate Iraqi
soldiers to say ‘I surrender.’ Hey, maybe there is a role for the French
after all." -- Bob Dole
(quoted at
http://www.doonesbury.com/)
"The media didn't tell the world that Abu Abbas saved the lives of six hundred passengers, only that a disabled man was killed."
-- Abu Abbas, complaining to CNN in 1996 about not getting credit for not killing more Achille Lauro hostages
(quoted at
http://www.doonesbury.com/)
(Poor mistreated Mr. Abbas was captured by American troops after failing in
his attempts to slither out of Iraq unnoticed. )
"Today, Saddam
Hussein was supposed to appear on television and rally the Iraqi people ...
but he was replaced at the last minute by Peter Arnett," -- Jay Leno
"This is
supposed to be the Super Bowl isn't it? Where's the other team? I guess they
didn't want to show."
--
Cpl. Matt Jamiolkowski, USMC
(Speaking from the center of
Baghdad)
Quick Thought #1
from
http://flashbunny.org
Anti-gunners say: Why would you need a gun?
If Something happen just call 911. The police are there to protect you!"
My Question: Why are you so afraid of someone like me having a gun if you
believe the police will be there to stop crimes when you call 911? After
all, if the police would be there to protect me from criminals, I'm sure
they would be there to protect you
from me and my gun. Wouldn't they?
Bush Calls N. Korea Nuke Revelation 'Time Saver'
from
http://www.scrappleface.com/
(2003-04-25) -- U.S. President George Bush said North Korea's announcement that it had nuclear weapons and might test them was "a real time saver.
"I want to thank Kim Jong Il," said Mr. Bush. "We could have spent months, even years, going through the U.N. Security Council just trying to find out if they had
nuclear weapons. Now, we can move directly to step two, which is 'Drop your weapons and come out with your hands up.'"
The President said the Pentagon has already assembled a location list of giant statues of Mr. Kim and he's willing to invest up to $100 billion to knock them down.
Rep. Dick Gephardt, D-MO, and Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, said they'll introduce legislation to topple the statues for half of that sum, and use the savings to create a government run universal health care system.
From http://braden.weblogs.com/2003/05/11
"Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard."
-David Letterman
"Al-Jazeera is claiming we shot two of their reporters on purpose. Oh, shut up. If we were shooting journalists on purpose, you think Peter Arnett and Geraldo would still be around?"
-Jay Leno
"There are reports that Saddam has been spotted in central Baghdad. Parts of him were also spotted in northern Baghdad, eastern Baghdad and western Baghdad."
-Jay Leno
"Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. ... However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well."
-David Letterman
"Tonight President Bush warned there are still pockets of resistance. There are still people fighting: Barbara Streisand, the Dixie Chicks, Susan Sarandon."
-Jay Leno
"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam
Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
-David Letterman
"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral."
-David Letterman
"There was another war related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon."
-Jay Leno
"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and unleaded."
-Jay Leno
"Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and Saddam Hussein said 'You can do that?'"
-Jay Leno
"CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'"
-Conan O'Brien
"Saddam Hussein in his interview with Dan Rather said he would rather die than leave his country in exile. Finally, something we can agree on, he'd rather die and we'd rather kill him."
-Jay Leno
"The Mustang Ranch was recently seized by the federal government. They had some tax problems and so now the government owns it. Well, they don't know what they are supposed to do with a former whorehouse. I was thinking, how about a branch of the Clinton library?"
-David Letterman
"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse - they've been repackaged and sold to France."
-Craig Kilborn